Fallout 3 Billy Mays

BILLY MAYS HERE WITH WASHO SUPER BLEACH.

R.I.P. BILLY MAYS

TV pitchman Billy Mays found dead in Florida home

YOU WILL BE MISSED. NOW VINCE OFFER IS THE ONLY PITCHMAN WHO SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS. BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE THE BEARD, SO FUCK HIM.

In all seriousness though, this hit me pretty hard. I've been watching this guy rise to the top from his early Oxiclean success, and, moreso than Michael Jackson's untimely passing, Billy's death is one that affects me on a personal level. I'm off to make a Fallout 3 character named Billy Mays, who will be crafted in his likeness and maxed out Barter and Speech skills.

Edit: One 4chan user put it quite nicely: "HEAVEN JUST GOT LOUDER."

Episode 6

I've decided to do something different this time around (since there wasn't a podcast last week): the show is split into two parts, with one made up of wickedly heavy songs, and the other consisting of slower, mellower pieces. You can download one or the other, or both, if you're feeling adventurous.

Side A: Quiet
Download

1. The Pax Cecilia - "The Tragedy"
2. Ben Folds - "Narcolepsy"
3. Aeon Spoke - "Grace"
4. Hyakkei - "Kagefumi"
5. Portishead - "It's A Fire"
6. Opeth - "Ending Credits"
7. Porcupine Tree - "Last Chance to Evacuate Planet Earth Before It is Recycled"


Side B: Heavy
Download

1. Fleshgod Apocalypse - "Embodied Deception"
2. Necrophagist - "Culinary Hyperversity"
3. Meshuggah - "Bleed"
4. Imperium Dekadenz - "Staub und Erinnerungen"
5. Psycroptic - "Skin Coffin"
6. The Dillinger Escape Plan - "Hollywood Squares"
7. Sleepytime Gorilla Museum - "Sleep is Wrong"
8. Ten Masked Men - "Beat It"

Edit: I made a mistake. Psycroptic is actually from Australia, not New Zealand. I don't know what I was thinking. Well, aside from them being from New Zealand.

Animal Planet?

I'm not sure if this commercial has been airing in the U.S. (reminder: I'm in Canada at the moment), but I saw this last night on the Discovery Channel, and it made me rage the slightest bit. It was a commercial for Animal Planet, suggesting that if you don't already have the channel, you should contact your television provider for more information.

Do you remember that show that they used to have on Discovery Channel called "Wild Discovery?" Now imagine if they took the most insane, badass footage from that show and set it to fast, heart pounding percussion. That's what they showed on the commercial. Giraffes headbutting each other, lions taking down zebras by the throat, crocodiles lunging at antelopes riverbeds; all this awesome stuff that...well...just isn't on Animal Planet.

When I think Animal Planet, I think of horsies and kitties and puppies. Oh, and the slightly deranged people that dress their pets up in itty-bitty outfits. All that sickeningly cute stuff. Okay, once in a while they have stuff where some idiot in khakis goes out and does dumb shit with venomous animals. I guess those shows are alright. But I'd have to say that most of the stuff on Animal Planet isn't about wild animals doing their thing. It's more like "Animal+Meddling Human Planet". Dog shows, programs about hippies chasing whaling ships and shouting shit at them through megaphones, documentaries about saving endangered species; if that's your thing, then you probably already know about Animal Planet. I don't have a problem with those shows (or with you, if you happen to like them). I'm just confused as to what kind of channel Animal Planet wants to be. Does it aim to be "Wild Discovery" 24/7? Because hell, I'd watch that every day. But it's pretty clear that the channel focuses more on domesticated animals, which lions and zebras are not. If you're gonna show incredible displays of nature's awesomeness in a commercial, don't use it to advertise a channel that broadcasts the Puppy Bowl.

As you can see, I've been making great use of my vacation thus far.

Vacation, eh?

Hello all,

I'm in Canada until the 28th, so there won't be a podcast for this weekend or the next. I'll see if any wacky shit happens that warrants a blog post, but for now, enjoy this silly looking "Caution: Wet Floor" sign that I saw at a rest stop in New York:

Why does he have hands? And why are they so ridiculous and huge? By elementary school prankster-standards, he must have cancer.

Podcast Episode 5: Cover Songs!

The cover song: half homage to one's roots and half novelty. Here are some of my current favorite cover songs, periodically interrupted by my beautiful, sonorous voice.

Download

1. Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine - "Down With the Sickness"
2. Bauhaus - "Ziggy Stardust"
3. Between the Buried and Me - "Three of a Perfect Pair"
4. Tool - "No Quarter"
5. Powerglove - "Mario Minor"
6. Iced Earth - "Hallowed Be Thy Name"
7. Metallica - "Stone Cold Crazy"
8. Death - "Painkiller"
9. Children of Bodom - "She Is Beautiful"
10. Ministry - "What a Wonderful World"

New humor feature!

I've started watching TV again, if only a bit here and there. For the past week or so, I've supplemented my dinner with a hearty helping of Cash Cab, and while I like the show very much, the same commercials run night after night. The same goddamn commercials.

Which brings me to the first official semi-regular humor feature that I will be starting on this blog. Whenever I see a particularly awful commercial, I'll hunt down a Youtube link, post it here if possible (in case you haven't seen it, or if you need the painful memory to be refreshed), and then provide my own commentary on the commercial. It'll be fun.

To kick this off, I'd like to say a few short words about that one Kashi commercial. You know, the one with some white woman hanging out with a bunch of Indian women who are harvesting grains and spices. She remarks that her job at Kashi is to take these ingredients and make food that is both good tasting and good for you. They show some boxes of granola bars and cereal and shit. Fair enough. The commercial closes with the company's motto: "7 whole grains on a mission," as the Indian women stroll off into the distance.

Mission, eh? Like one of those missions where you befriend the "inferior" natives and then try and convert them, which is usually part of some larger imperialistic scheme? Note that the company has sent seven whole grains on this mission. Check out some of the sevens that pop up in the Christian faith.

COINCIDENCE? I think so.

Yeah, it probably is.

Pardon the half-assed attempt at a conspiracy theory. I needed something to rant about, since they play "Wonderwall" every fucking day at work, and it makes me want to jump into the trash compacter. Maybe next time I'll be able to find the commercial on Youtube.

Podcast - Episode 4

This episode, as you will soon find out, is all about the versatility of metal...whatever that means. Listen and be amazed as folk melodies, J-rock, jazz, and even pianos find their way into metal songs, and manage to sound damn good.

Download

1. Tyr- "Tróndur í Gøtu"
2. Dir En Grey - "Vinushka"
3. Sleepytime Gorilla Museum - "1997"
4. Jesu - "Silver"
5. Caverns - "Dance You Son of a Bitch"
6. Jelonek - "Funeral of Provincial"
7. The Monolith Deathcult - "Deus Ex Machina"
8. Cynic - "Veil of Maya"
9. Between the Buried and Me - "Selkies: The Endless Obsession"

Podcast - Episode the Third

I know it's late, I'm sorry. Between work and...well, and playing games all night, I've been fairly busy. Those updates might come in the form of a rant about some bitch that made a snide remark a few days ago, along with a few other goodies, since I'm off the next two days. But for now, here is the third episode of the podcast.

Download

1. *Super special secret song that I won't name here because the other day I played it in a tf2 server and someone called me a faggot*
2. Church of Misery - "El Padrino (Adolpho De Jesus Costanzo)
3. Baroness - "Isak"
4. Alice In Chains - "Junkhead" (live version that is chock full of win)
5. Kamelot - "Solitaire" and "Rule the World"
6. Pure Reason Revolution - "The Twyncyn/Trembling Willows"
7. Xploding Plastix - "Sports, Not Heavy Crime"
8. Mouse on the Keys - "Toccatina"

Thanks for listening, and come back later in the week for some funny shit. Maybe.