This past Tuesday, a group of scientists in Princeton, NJ, finished building a a machine that they hope will effectively end the search for alternative energy sources. The device, which is still in an experimental stage, is supposedly able to harness the nearly incalculable amounts of energy exuded by the rock star Andrew W.K.
"We brought Andrew into the lab a few days ago for some simple tests," Dr. Frans Kidman explained "We simply wanted to attach a few electrodes to his body and monitor his vitals as he ran on a treadmill, to see if he was a feasible energy source." The professor explained that the musician, who took this study as an opportunity to "party hard", began to headbang and perform 'the monkey' while running, a combination that yielded enough raw energy to power the lab, as well as the adjacent particle accelerator for 50 years.
"Imagine the possibilities! If this machine were to be connected to Andrew during one out of every ten of his performances, hundreds of future generations will be accounted for." The professor took a moment to wipe a tear from his eye. "The age of oil is over, my friend. The time to party has finally arrived!"
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